


I promise I'm not how I seem

by Zurela



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, I've exhausted all the whiskeytango content out there so I made my own gosh darn it, M/M, and the fact that he's rolling in pie money thanks to jack funding the sin bin, anyways this is the fluffiest thing ever, but there's reference to bitty's sudden happiness at the start of the semester, takes place at the start of spring semester, the zimbits in this is so low-key like they're not even in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 04:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9304649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zurela/pseuds/Zurela
Summary: Tango wants to be quieter. Whiskey wants to be louder. Both of them just want friends.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this was just an excuse to write about Whiskey having a gay crisis for Tango.

The beginning of spring semester was somewhat of a blessing. For the whole Samwell hockey team, in retrospect. Ransom, Holster, and Lardo were now in their last semester, and the stress of their final year of college was less daunting. Bitty seemed significantly more relaxed and happy this semester, so whatever had been weighing on him so heavily during the fall had clearly resolved itself. And the new semester was a blessing for Tango, too. His first semester of college was over, it would get warmer soon, his teammates seemed happier...it’s as if a new relaxed atmosphere was there to reassure them that this semester would be a good one.

Tango had worried for a while about Bitty, and wanted to help, seeing as Bitty had been so kind to him and the whole team, but didn’t want to pry. Now, however, seeing him happy and back to the Bitty he met when he first started at Samwell, Tango knew it probably wasn’t his business and that Bitty could take care of himself. And if he couldn’t, his other teammates could, right?

Could Tango take care of himself?

Would the team help him if he couldn’t?

There was a definite lack of connection between the freshman - tadpoles, the second years said - and the rest of the team. Whether this was just because they were new, or if they really weren’t as well liked as the others had been was yet to be determined. Sure, Tango knew he could be a little annoying, and Whiskey was definitely standoffish, but...they were a team, right?

They all seemed to get along with each other, and they were friendly and welcoming, which wasn’t always the case on a sports team. Still, there was clearly some sort of distance between the freshmen and the rest of the team that compelled Tango to keep his guard up. It’s not like he was expecting to replace the great Jack Zimmermann or that other guy - Shitty? He still didn’t get it - but he thought fitting in with these guys would be easier. Not that there were any specific instances of any of them being rude - that probably wasn’t even possible, in Bitty’s case - but ”got your back” didn’t seem to fully apply to Tango or Whiskey.

Yet? Maybe someday it would?

Not that Whiskey seemed to care. He had plenty of friends on the lacrosse team. The hockey team didn’t seem too happy about it, but...friends were friends, right? Did it matter if they weren’t that great of people if Whiskey felt welcomed by them?

Even the lacrosse team would have been a welcomed relief for Tango at this point. Sure, his roommate was nice, but they weren’t very similar people. He was the kind of roommate who you got along with, but don’t talk to after the year ends. And freshman year of college meant a lot of lectures, making it hard to get to know people. Plus, classes weren’t exactly the place to make friends if you were someone like Tango. He asked a lot of questions, which meant lectures usually ran long. No one likes the guy that makes everyone stay in class longer.

He knew he had to work on being...quieter. Figure things out himself. His family always encouraged his asking questions, saying he had a natural curiosity, and that wasn’t a bad thing. In school they always told everyone to ask questions if they had them, that forcing yourself to sacrifice your understanding would be a waste. And yet, here in the real world, asking a question - a “stupid” question - was worse than blurting out your most embarrassing secrets to strangers. 

Sure, maybe he wasn’t the most observant person, but everyone seemed to associate “unobservant” with “stupidity.” Which...he wasn’t, okay? Tango was not stupid by any means. But the worst thing was to assume you knew everything. He always wanted to know what others had to say.

He decided it was time to try something new. Bitty had offered up pie in the group chat, blueberry. Blueberry had always been Tango’s favorite, reminding him of growing up in North Carolina, picking wild blueberries on his uncle’s huge property, then making jam and pies with his grandmother. They weren’t in season right now, and as good as Bitty’s pies were nothing could beat pie made with freshly picked wild blueberries. Yet the thought of his home left him feeling heavy and lonely, and his unfed stomach was soon to be pestering him soon. 

It was a lazy Saturday early enough in the semester to not warrant too much work yet, so there was no harm in going to the house - the Haus - to try and bond with his teammates for a while, with the added bonus of pie. This time, no questions allowed. Talk when spoken to, don’t pry. This semester was going to be better than the last, starting with more friends.

___

To his surprise, when he got there, Whiskey was there, too. In the kitchen with a slice of pie. Was blueberry his favorite too? He wasn’t going to ask.

“Well? Are you here for pie too, or are you just going to stand there?”

Tango startled and sheepishly walked into the kitchen, making sure to face away from Whiskey while he got a slice of pie.

“Sorry, I was just...surprised to see you here.”

Whiskey sighed. “Am I not allowed here? I am still part of this team, I think…”

Embarrassment forgotten, Tango finally allowed himself to make eye contact. “No! That’s not what I meant! I was just curious...well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll just grab my pie and leave you alone.”

“No!” Whiskey briefly seemed surprised at his outburst, maybe more than Tango was. He turned to look down at his plate, breaking their brief eye contact. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. You can stay. I just...um.”

Whiskey was acting strange - as opposed to his usual aloof and standoffish - but Tango was resolutely was not going to ask any questions. “Oh. Okay. Well, I just really wanted pie, so I thought I’d hang around the house today. I don’t have too much homework yet since classes just started. Are y-”

Tango bit his tongue and shoved his fork in his mouth. No questions! He sat down at the table and forced himself to stare at his plate.

Whiskey seemed to be studying him now, and answered Tango’s question even though he hadn’t asked it. “Yeah, same. I figured I would try and hang with the team a little more. I know they don’t like when I hang around the lacrosse bros.”

Tango kept his eyes down, savoring the taste of his pie. Why didn’t the team like that? What did the lacrosse team do that was so bad? Did they think every player was a bad person? Did they think Whiskey was a bad person because of it? Did Whiskey think the hockey guys were bad people? Had the lacrosse team told him bad things about the hockey team? Why was Whiskey friends with them? No. Just eat pie. No questions.

“You’re awfully quiet today. No twenty questions?”

Tango finally met Whiskey’s eyes, face burning. “Um, no, not really. I just know people think it gets annoying, and you’re not much of a talker, I probably drive you crazy, so…”

Whiskey frowned. “You don’t drive me crazy.”

What? “What? I-I mean!”

Whiskey’s blush matched Tango’s and he suddenly refused to let his gaze wander from the crumbs remaining on his plate. “You...your questions don’t bother me. Honestly, it’s...easier. I don’t try to be quiet all the time, it’s just...hard for me sometimes. The lacrosse guys are easier. They don’t talk much either. Not like here. It’s constantly loud, and you have to fight just to say something, and I can’t just butt in-”

“Why not?”

Whiskey laughed. “Like you can. You fit in with them better. It’s easy for you to be loud, and say what’s on your mind, and…”

Tango let go of the implication that he fit in with the hockey team for now. “Is that why you hang out with the lacrosse team?”

Whiskey seemed to debate with himself on how to answer. “I...yeah. It’s hard to be quiet here. Figured they wouldn’t even notice if I was here.”

“I notice.”

Whiskey finally brought his gaze away from his empty plate. “What?”

“I notice when you’re not here. I don’t think I fit in with these guys like you said. They all know each other so well already, and I don’t. I ask questions that I feel like they expect me to already know...I don’t think they like me much.”

Whiskey rolled his eyes. “At least they’re seeing you.”

“Is being seen but not liked better than not being seen at all?”

Whiskey didn’t answer that. Tango didn’t really expect an answer to that one.

Since the “no questions” streak was well beyond broken at this point, he figured he’d try a new approach. “How about...since I ask a lot of questions, and it’s easier for you to answer something than just talk...I ask you questions, and you answer them?”

Whiskey looked beyond confused. Probably how Tango looked at all times. “Um...sure, okay.”

Tango nodded. “Okay. Do you dislike the team?”

“No. Like I said, it’s just hard to find a place here.”

“I get that, I feel the same way. But...what about Bitty? He seems like he’s trying to help you be part of the team?”

Whiskey scowled. “Bittle wants to be my mother. He’s not my mother. He wants to give me advice and feed me pastries and try to make me talk when I don’t want to. I don’t need that, not from him or my actual mother. I can take care of myself, make my own decisions.”

“But...what will you do if you can’t?”

Confusion crossed his face again. “What?”

“What will you do if you can’t take care of yourself? Or...what will I do if I can’t take care of myself? I’m not used to living away from home, and sure, it’s been okay, but...I don’t really have any friends. The closest I have is the team, and even though they say they have each other’s backs, it feels like they might not have mine. Like…”

“Like this is all new, and it’s hard. Not having friends is hard. Being a college athlete, living alone, making new friends, figuring out who you are and what you want to do. Trying to figure out why people don’t like you, and how you have to change in order to be accepted.”

Tango’s face fell, but he kept his eyes locked with Whiskey’s. “Yeah. Like that.”

Whiskey’s face brightened for a moment, but he still looked hesitant. “Can...can I ask you a question this time?”

“What? Uh, yeah! Of course!”

He looked ready to bite off his own tongue, but… “How about we help each other?”

“Huh?”

“You asked what we do if we can’t take care of ourselves. So...what about...if you can’t, I help you, and if I can’t, you help me?”

Tango thought about that for a minute. Whiskey looked ready to spontaneously combust. 

“Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.”

___

Spring semester was a blessing, that wasn’t a lie, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard. Tango’s chemistry lab was really tough, and he hadn’t been doing well. He had tried to stop asking so many questions, because even if Whiskey said it was okay that didn’t mean everyone else thought it was. 

There was the dilemma. Be quiet and get a bad grade, or risk embarrassment and try to do better?

His scholarship and status on the team would be at risk if he didn’t keep his grades up, so the choice made itself for him. 

Lecture was full of new and difficult material one day in particular, and Tango had a lot of questions. Finally, when he raised his hand for what felt like the tenth time, the guy next to him rolled his eyes and turned to him. 

“I have ten minutes to get from this class to another on the other side of campus, so could you maybe stop derailing the lecture? I’ve been late plenty of times so far, and I have a test today, so I would really appreciate getting out on time today.”

Tango blushed and lowered his hand. He didn’t speak for the rest of class.

After lecture, he made a beeline for the door but was called back by his professor. He seemed to look Tango over and let out a heavy sigh. “Kid, I know this is some complicated stuff, but there are a lot of people here. You can’t keep taking over the lecture so much. Every semester there’s the student who thinks he can earn points by being more vocal, and it’s great that you’re participating but...sometimes I have to approach a student who lets it get out of hand. Please try to let the other students contribute, or I’ll stop calling on you.”

“I’m sorry, um? I’m not trying to suck up or anything, promise! I really do just have questions. I’m not doing too well and I really need a good grade…”

“I get that, sure. But a lot of your questions get us off topic or extend the lecture. Could you just try to keep your questions to the relevant and important ones? And maybe try tutoring.”

On the verge of tears, Tango left the building feeling like he was on fire. Head racing and vision tunneled forward, he headed straight towards the library. Too frustrated to be mindful of the quiet environment, he practically threw himself at the nearest empty table and began pulling out all his old chemistry notes and enormous textbook. He threw the book open to the most recent chapter and fruitlessly tried forced himself to read through the water in his eyes. 

Head down. Relax. Read this, and read it again, and don’t leave until you understand it.

“Tango?”

Tango’s head frantically flew up to see Whiskey sitting down in the seat across from him. “Hey, I almost missed you with your head shoved down like that.”

Tango frowned and tried to cover up the fact that he was on the verge of a breakdown. “Look, Whiskey, I know I seem dumb and I ask too many questions and I’m sorry so if you could please leave me alone so I could study and understand this dumb stuff and stop bothering everybody I would really appreciate it-”

“Whoa, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Everything cool?”

Tango deflated. “No. Not really. Everyone is telling me to be quiet and stop asking questions. I tried, and now I’m doing terribly in chem. So I just need to focus and read and make myself get this so I stop burdening everyone.”

Tango turned his head back down to the page, which was quickly covered by Whiskey’s hand.

“Man, please just-”

“Want some help?”

Tango just blinked at him. “What?”

Whiskey shrugged. “Chem I? I took it last semester. I’m definitely not a genius, but I have all my old notes and tests. I remember enough of it pretty well, if you need a tutor.”

Tango almost started crying again. “Uh, um, yeah, that would be...I mean if you don’t have time it’s cool…”

Whiskey gave him a calm smile. “Hey, I wouldn’t offer if I couldn’t deliver, would I? Here, let me look at what you’re doing right now.”

Whiskey dragged the book towards him and started skimming the page. “Okay, so this kind of goes deeper on the stuff from the previous unit…”

“Whiskey?”

“Yeah? You have a question?”

“I..no. Just, thanks for doing this for me.”

Whiskey rolled his eyes, but with a fond smile. “We said we would rely on each other when we can’t do it alone, right?”

Tango smiled. “Yeah, we did. Glad you meant it.”

“Of course I did. Did you?”

“Yeah.”

___

Tango was leaving the Haus, full of Bitty’s food and ready for his next class, when he nearly tripped over Whiskey sitting on the porch steps.

“Whiskey?”

Whiskey looked up at Tango with a scowl on his face. “What?”

Instinct told Tango to flee and leave him alone, but. They said they would help each other. They said they meant it. If he was needed here, he would be here.

He sat on the steps next to Whiskey, who seemed to unconsciously move away from him.

“Everything alright?”

“It’s fine.”

“Really? Because you said you would rely on me when you needed to, and I’m here, waiting to be relied on. So tell me to leave if you want me gone, or let me help.”

Whiskey said nothing. That wasn’t a dismissal, so Tango sat there and waited.

“I just got off the phone with my mom.”

“Oh? Did you guys fight?”

“I...no? Not really. We just have...different ideas about what I should be doing.”

“Well, what do you think you should be doing?”

“She says I’ve changed. She thinks the hockey team is bad for me, that it was a good way to stay active in high school but I shouldn’t have become a collegiate athlete. She thinks I should tell her everything I’m doing, every second of the day. I know that she wanted me to stay closer to home. I think she believes I’m making things harder on the family by staying distant.”

“Do you think you’ve changed? Or that you’re doing something wrong?”

“I dunno. Maybe.”

Tango still said nothing. Whiskey glared in his direction. “Well? You gonna say anything?”

“Nope.”

“Wow, you’re right, I really can rely on you.”

“No, I’m waiting for you to say what you mean. I asked you a question and you didn’t really answer. You said it’s easier when I ask questions, right?”

Whiskey’s face softened. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. Maybe I have changed. I think she just...worries. She thinks I’ve been quieter, that I don’t call home enough, that I’m not making friends, that I’m not happy. I have a big family back home so I’m used to having a lot of people I can rely on to just…be there.”

“So you think she’s right? Do you want to quit the team? Or go back home?”

“No! No, I don’t think so. Maybe she is right, I don’t know. Maybe the team is wrong, and maybe the lacrosse team aren’t great friends. I definitely can’t talk to them like...like this. What if I am making mistakes? What do I do when I’m messing up but can’t just...drop everything and do something new?”

“Can I say what I think?”

Whiskey sighed and looked down hopelessly. “Sure.”

There was still distance between them, and Whiskey looked tense and uncomfortable. Tango closed the gap and put his arm on the step behind Whiskey. Not around him, necessarily, but with a small presence to let him know he was there.

“I think...we’re all going to make mistakes. I mean, even Bitty dropped a pie last semester!” Whiskey smirked and huffed out a laugh. “So...maybe this isn’t right for you. Maybe it is. I mean, it’s only been a few months, which isn’t really enough time to know, you know? And I think playing hockey is fun, even if we’re not close with the team yet. And I think the two of us are friends, good friends, which is more than we could say before. And I think that you’re smart, in chemistry, at least, and that this part of the country is really pretty, even if it is way too cold sometimes, and I think-”

“Okay, okay, I get it. I think I think so too. I think I want to stay here. I just...I don’t know if I could deal with the guilt if this wasn’t right. If I waste my time.”

“Well, has it been a waste of time so far? You’ve learned stuff in your classes, and we don’t get a ton of ice time but you’re improving your game, and now we’re friends, and well...you’re trying something, right?”

Tango’s arm had unconsciously started to fit closer to Whiskey’s back. “So I don’t think it’s a waste. Anything you do here isn’t going to define you forever. Even if your mom doesn’t agree, you’re here learning and growing and becoming your own person. That’s your choice.”

While Tango talked, looking around at the street before them and losing track of the point he had been making, Whiskey had turned to stare at him. The silence made Tango come back to himself and turn to Whiskey, who was looking up at him with big eyes and an unreadable expression.

Tango blushed. “I, well, that’s just what I think. Sorry if I talk too much, I don’t really know what I’m talking about, sorry, uh…”

Whiskey still said nothing. “Right, uh, well, I’ve gotta go or I’ll be late for class. I, um, hope that helped! I’ll see you later I guess!”

With that, Tango’s arm left Whiskey’s back, and he jumped up, nearly tripping over the step in the process. And suddenly, he was gone, and Whiskey was left alone with his thoughts.

___

Over the next few weeks, Tango and Whiskey didn’t see much of each other, and barely exchanged a few words when they did. Classes were busy, and midterms had Tango working harder, especially since he hadn’t received tutoring from Whiskey for a few weeks. Tango had improved his grades and found he didn’t have as many questions as usual, but he had begun to enjoy that time between just the two of them. But since that day on the porch Whiskey hadn’t offered, and Tango assumed he was busy and didn’t bother to ask, so...that was that.

After midterms had come to an end, Bitty had basically begged the boys to eat all the pies he had stress-baked during the previous week. Sure, there had been a lot of stress pie eating, especially from the seniors, but nothing can compete with Bitty’s love of baking amplified by extreme procrastination. It was a force of nature that could not be stopped.

Tango decided to treat himself to a fairly successful week of exams with a big slice of pie. Just like before, way at the beginning of the semester, he found himself surprised to see Whiskey there. Sure, the two of them were working on hanging out with the team more, and Whiskey wasn’t around the lacrosse team as much, but this was the first time he and Whiskey had been alone for a long while. 

Not wanting to get caught staring, Tango made his way to the fridge to see what flavors of pie were available to him. It seemed like Bitty was getting more creative and elaborate in his flavors, and there were a lot of new ingredients in the fridge. Maybe Bitty had gotten a job? Where did he get the money to afford all this?

Luckily, around the tins of mystery pies, he located cherry, another of his favorites. With only a small amount left, he just grabbed the whole tin and decided there were plenty of other choices that he wouldn’t get yelled at for finishing this one.

Tango joined Whiskey at the table, and the two ate in silence. Finally, Tango couldn’t fight it. He had a question, and he hated the feeling of not being able to ask it. Not with Whiskey.

“Are you mad at me?”

Whiskey’s head flew up, wide eyes meeting Tango’s.

“Uh, what?”

“Are you mad at me? I’m sorry if I forced you to tell me about what your mom said to you, I know I can be pushy, so I’m sorry. I know it’s hard for you to talk, I shouldn’t have...I should have known you might not tell me if you didn’t want to talk to me.”

Whiskey still looked surprised and confused. “I...no...you didnt…”

Tango began to grow desperate. “Well, did I do something else then? We haven’t spoken in so long, and I assumed you were just busy, but it feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“Tony, no, it’s nothing like that.”

Tango was not going to get upset. Whiskey had every right to not speak to him, he shouldn’t be forced. But...didn’t Tango deserve answers?

“Then what is it? Am I imagining that you’re avoiding me?”

“I, no, I’m sorry, you’re right, I haven’t been talking to you as much and that wasn’t fair to you.”

“Can I ask why? I just want to know if I’ve been bothering you.”

“No, you, you’re...I’m sorry, I hate talking.” Whiskey stood up, seemingly torn between running for the hills and forcing himself back into the chair. The compromise was to walk out the door and start pacing, but leaving the door open as if to let Tango know he wasn’t going to leave just yet.

Tango followed and shut the door behind him. “Please, I know you don’t like talking, but...I just want us to be friends again. We were friends, right? That part I wasn’t wrong about?”

Whiskey turned on him like a flash of light. “Yes, yes, of course we’re friends, and I’m not mad at you, I promise...I…”

Whiskey’s face painted a picture of the internal battle he seemed to be fighting. Tango decided to let him make his own choice. “Well, I’m right here if you want to talk. I won’t force you to say anything you don’t want to.”

The attention turned to Tango once again. Any trace of the previous confusion seemed gone, his face almost exasperated. Finally, he kicked at the old wood below their feet and hefted out a heavy breath. 

“Oh, screw it. I’m not mad at you, okay? I’m...I like you. A lot. And...and I want to kiss your dumb face and talk to you all the time because you make me feel safe here. Like this is where I’m supposed to be. And you deserve the truth and I’m sorry if I made you feel bad, or weird now, I still want to be your friend but-”

“You want to kiss me? Did you call my face dumb?”

“Yeah. Yeah.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you ask?”

Confusion on Whiskey’s face, amber eyes staring directly into him, like he was trying to read Tango’s mind.

“I...what?”

“You should’ve asked.”

“No! I can’t just walk up to you and go ‘hey Tony, Tango, buddy, being friends is great but can I kiss you and take you on a date?’”

“True, you don’t really like talking. You said that a minute ago”

“Yeah.”

“That sounds more like me, doesn’t it?”

“...Yeah.”

Tango took a step closer to Whiskey and forced himself to keep his gaze on him. “Hey Whiskey?”

“Yeah?”

“Buddy.”

“Tony.”

“You know, being friends is great.”

“It is.”

“But uh…can I…?”

“Tony.”

“Can I kiss you and take you on a date?”

Their faces were only inches apart by now. Whiskey sighed and looked down. Tango didn’t look away from him. Whiskey always answered his questions. It made things easier for him.

Finally, Whiskey looked up with an incredulous look on his face. “Yeah, man. Yeah, you can do that.”

So they did that.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear LORD that was a cheesy ending.
> 
>  
> 
> [Come hang out with me on tumblr!](https://zurela.tumblr.com/)


End file.
